What to expect in... Beijing
They stank real bad. Bring your own soap and toilet paper. Also, work out your quads for a few months before coming because it will help you to use the toilet.
15. The Beijing Bikini
This is OK here.
14. The wall
The Great Wall of China is pretty close. Just don't get on one of the trick buses—they might drop you off in the middle of nowhere and leave you no choice but to board their outrageously-priced shuttle.
I recommend taking a flying tour -
A huge shopping center full of knock-offs. The shopkeepers may stand in the doorway and block you in til you buy something for 1000% the price. For real, sometimes you should aim for 10% of what they're asking.
12. Creepy Maosoleum
You can start your morning off fresh by seeing Mao's dead body in a dark room with 70's commie-style decor and fake flowers.
The domestic tourists in line push their way through the line to pay respects to that sweet, harmless, lovable little guy.
11. Fixation on the western world
Anything American is cool.
White people are a tourist attraction (they may form a line to take pictures.)
It's funny to see American symbols at Tiananmen Square.
They've been making more buildings than they actually need.
Not sure how economically sound that is.
9. Big brother
The internet and all mass media are very limited.
Also, you'll be stopped at a few security checkpoints.
8. Spitting
The mainlanders aren't shy with the bodily functions.
7. Hutongs
These ancient communities at the heart of the city give you a taste of real Beijing culture.
Sadly, the government is knocking them down and building what looks more like a theme park than a community.
6. Lack of Spirituality
The government did a good job of killing spirituality.
5. "English"
English is lacking, even at central tourist locations. Even the poor countries I've visited have had better English support for tourists.
4. Too much to do, so little time
It's a huge city and there's a ton of history to learn.
3. Pollution
You can see the air. Breathing this air is the equivalent of smoking 22 cigarettes a day, so try not to breathe.
2. Megasize everything
Buildings and street blocks are huge. Things that look close on a map are always a far walk away.
1. Pushiness and loudness
It seems there's no concept of personal space.
----- The End. Click on the archive at the top right to view more cities.
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